This Wednesday, following weeks of rigorous investigation, a 10th-grade student was suspended for repeated incidents of chewing gum in class. After numerous complaints from his teachers and multiple academic recuperations, the UNIS administration was forced to take definitive action.

“It had gotten to the point that as soon as he entered the classroom, I had to look in his bag and confiscate all his gum hoard. Every time, without fail, I would find at least 10 packs of chewing gum, bubble gum or even gum tape!”, fumed one aggravated faculty member, who preferred to stay anonymous. Despite the policing, it was said that the student would continue to sneak the contraband into the class using other methods: hiding it in his pockets, the waistband of his pants, and, on a few memorable occasions, his socks. Then, a few minutes into class, he would take the concealed gum and continue to chew.

The student in question, Minty Nguyen was popular amongst many other sophomores for his never ending stock of chewing gum and his willingness to hand it out to others. “Minty is a lifesaver- one day, I completely forgot to bring any chewing gum, and he gave me a whole pack!” exclaimed Sugar Freeman, a fellow 10th student. “And it’s not like he would blow bubbles in class or anything… His punishment is much too extreme!” Freeman continued.

Other students, however, were not so positive about his addiction. “He chews gum all the time! Once, during an exam, I had to sit at the desk across from him and all I could hear was his never-ending chewing. I got a 3/8 on that test!” said a student that was too ashamed to be named.

Despite the back-and-forth of students about Minty’s suspension, the view of the school administration is clear.  “Yes, it sounds harsh, but here at UNIS, we take gum chewing in class very seriously. Mr. Nguyen refused to stop chewing gum in class, and he had to face the consequences for that”, said a representative of the MS/HS Office, when asked for a comment on the matter.

How long his suspension will last remains to be seen — and it is unknown whether Minty has learned his lesson about gum chewing.

This article is a satirical piece to commemorate April Fools’ Day. Please do not treat the content of this article with seriousness.